She was your motivation, while i can't

Woke up in the afternoon. Met baby after his tuition. Thanks for letting me know so much things. I guess i won't know until i asked. Lynn, its saturday. Does it hurts? Xueli, i hope you are fine. Don't worry about me. :-) I do miss the food at benny. Baby is asleep. What can i do now? Sit and stare at the walls? Draw the curtains and look out for stars? Well, maybe i should just go to bed. Bye.
You do not want to remember but i do. And sorry, i chose to hurt you, myself once again just to know the truth. She motivated you, the one who get you going, on studies or even on relationship while i can't do anything when you claimed she was only your friend. Maybe i should feel ashamed. You went to her when we were having problems, even on the phone. To know that you still have the mood to do so when we were already in that state, it breaks my heart. You disappoint me. I'm sorry. That's the furthest i can go, the most i can take. That's enough. Maybe i would still be kept in the dark if i didn't have the courage to went on.